Name: Influencer PA.
Salary: £19,000-£23,000 p/a.
Description: The very worst job in the history of humanity.
Taking pictures of an idiot for a living doesn’t sound that bad. I didn’t say photographer. I said PA.
And what does that involve? I’m glad you asked. An influencer with 10 million Instagram followers posted an ad that was shared on Twitter. The job involves scheduling and preparing the filming, editing and posting of social media content.
Again, not so bad. And scheduling all travel. And analysing all social media performance. And waking the influencer with coffee every morning. And planning calendars.
Wait a second … go back a bit. Waking the influencer with coffee every morning? Sure, you have to do that. And also research brand sponsorship deals. And take the influencer to parties. And pack and unpack their bag constantly.
What? Pack and unpack their bag constantly? It’s in the description. And you have to take the influencer to parties.
Hold on. So the day starts before the influencer wakes up and doesn’t end until they’re finished partying? Yes. The ad states that you’ll be expected to be with the influencer “all the time” with “minimal days off”, and “must be on-call almost 24/7”.
This sounds awful. And don’t think you can complain about it either, because the ad also states: “You must keep all emotional/private life matters completely away from this world” and also “bounce back instantly from any mistakes without emotion”.
Do we know who this influencer is? We don’t. You could probably work it out by a process of elimination, given the location of the ad, the specificity of the follower count and the fact that all the influencer does is be an influencer. But who has the time?
I think I’ll pass on the application. You don’t want to spend every waking hour being used as an emotional punchbag by a nimrod whose only role in life is to post pictures of themselves to the internet? That’s OK, there are other jobs.
Such as what? A while ago, a hairdresser in Warrington advertised for a part-time receptionist who is “EXTREMELY well-organised/(OCD)”, before withdrawing the advert. Have you ever been medically diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder?
No. OK, perhaps that one isn’t for you. There was a Russian family looking for a British butler last year, but the applicant needed to have watched all of Jeeves and Wooster (not read it) and be one of five specified star signs. Are you a Sagittarius, Virgo, Aquarius, Capricorn or Leo?
No. What about the 56-year-old man who wanted to hire a young woman with moisturised hands to …
No! Suit yourself.
Do say: “Let an Instagrammer employ you as their assistant.”
Don’t say: “Because then at least one of you would have a proper job.”